What’s up Vice?
Hey, I thought you might want to check out a Bureau of Prisons Residential Drug Abuse Program workbook. This is the first in a series of seven books that can earn an inmate one year off a sentence upon completion. I am currently in the program and have spent the last eight years in prison for a first-time, non-violent drug offense. My sentence is 11.3 years, so a year off isn’t much but at least it’s something! Let me know if I can be of service—I bet a lot of people would like to hear what happens when the Feds pinch you for making drugs.
Keep it real,
JASON “TIGER” WILLIAMSON
Keep reading for some choice selections from the workbook...
We figured all of Bergen would be abuzz with last week's news that Gaahl's fashion and former other-kind-of-business partner dragged him out of the closet in the Norwegian press, but everybody is keeping surprisingly mum. Instead of splitting into rival factions and going at each other with gas bombs and motorcycle chains as in the Birmingham Halford riots of '98, all the metal fans and band members we talked to not only didn't want to say anything about Gaahl being gay, they didn't even want to say anything about people saying things about Gaahl being gay. We're not sure if that's a matter of scene solidarity or the added threat this revelation adds to his arsenal for revenge, but what we do know is we think Gaahl being gay is awesome for Black Metal, if only to make the Nazi fucking pricks in Graveland a little uncomfortable.
Good god, have you seen this/eaten yet? It is easily the worst thing we've seen on the internet since somebody tricked us into watching that video where the girl is ramming a dildo into the guy's dickhole. Oh no, now I'm thinking of both of them at the same time.
After 28,944,312 seconds of holding your breath since we had ours in the tidbits, the action figures of Johnny Ryan's Loady McGee and Sinus O'Gynus are finally available for purchase by all you plebes. There are even two limited "Toxic Waste" editions for anybody who's concerned that other people don't believe they're successful enough to own a pair of $70 toys. We'd bitch about whatever caused the goddamn hold up with these pieces, but we are far too enamored of their craftsmanship and loving attention to detail.
This card was pushed through the letterbox of our friend Caius (who runs Young Turks) the morning after he threw a BBQ/paddling pool party. Its author, "Mr Boring", had complained about the noise early on the previous evening, and Caius promptly turned down the volume. Now, call
me "Mr Jaded Cynical Bastard" but I can't figure out whether he's being a proper gent or
taking the piss. I mean, on the surface it appears to be a splendid example of the
great British dedication to good manners. But I can't help wondering if it's actually a thickly veiled, passive aggressive riposte; polite and proper on the surface, but positively seething behind the twitching curtains. What do you think?
To accompany part two of Integrity's commanding performance on Live At The Old Blue Last, here are some more clips of Brewer's escapades during the band's current European tour. Today we tune in as Brewer almost drowns in Switzerland and Nate Jochum eats some plants he probably shouldn't. Those guys!
Bob Log III is a singer-songwriter best known for blues-inspired hits like "Ass Computer," "I Want Your Shit On My Leg," and "Boob Scotch," and not so much for being a jumpsuited maniac with four or five conflicting backstories who sings through a telephone receiver wedged into the face-plate of his helmet and often plays with a girl seated on each knee. He's on a North American tour that just bent its way up toward our parts so we sent intern Patrick to talk to him about the rigors of performing and the mysterious origins of the tit clap. Tour dates for his shows in Ottawa and Montreal below...
The brilliant Canadian tradition of cleverly named holidays continues this weekend with August Civic Holiday Day on Monday. If you're in Montreal, you could go to Osheaga at Ile Ste-Hélène and see Iggy and the Stooges, Spiritualized, and a couple lame bands that girls for some reason are still into (the Killers). Chan Marshall is going to be there too, which for many of those very same girl-people is reason enough. You can get tickets for Sunday or Monday or both days here.
Not sure what Kinniku Suguru's background is, but when your "worst fight scene" involves a German-speaking Chinese woman and half a black man in gloves things have got to be going pretty well for you and yours.
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