AUSTRALIA - 69 WITH A 14-YEAR-OLD WHITE HOMEY WHILE SMOKING ILLY IN THE BACK OF A BLUE TRANS AM

Every now and then a film comes along that you just know is going to step everything we have ever seen on screen up to a new level. I was introduced to the trailer for 'Canzo Empyrean' by a Jedi knight of YouTube who discovered it hidden behind a fake GI JOE movie trailer and since then I have become slowly and dangerously obsessed with this ultra-violent, fantastical work of genius. The film has apparently been in the filming stages for over ten years (in some backdrops you can see the twin towers, and some they are gone) and is going to be released in 2009 with rumors of secret screening previews in abandoned buildings having already happened. I'd say 'Don't miss it!' but the sad fact is that with our sickening Australian censorship laws, 99 percent of us will, and the remaining 1 percent will end up watching a low-res pirate version alongside ten other people huddled around a laptop. But it would still be worth it... I can't begin to explain how fucking crazy this film is going to be. Check out the following links to some amazing marketing 'leaks' for trailers to see what I'm talking about.

RACanzo Empyrean Trailer 1
Canzo Empyrean Trailer 2
Canzo Empyrean Trailer 3

canzoempyrean.com

Comments

[Steve]

Thank you for finding something this fucked up. This some low budget "Holy Mountain" shit.

[jesus]

and mary. this looks amazing.

[...]

the 3rd trailer is amazing. "white homie girl," though, yo.

[Grozny Empyrean]

This link shows the Monrovia, Liberia premiere in 2007. Oh yeah!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6a7B-UQA80

[Frank]

CAAAANZO!!! Love the Canzo! Need the Canzo! This was the invitation for the New York Premiere
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5pBsSdOp_Y
I replied but it was already filled

[Huka Brasi]

My life's mission is to see Canzo Empyrean. It is everything a GI Joe film should be but never would dare. Thank God. Did anyone get to the premiere? Here is some music I have collected from the movie
http://www.myspace.com/hukabrasiandthebrownbrownmistys

[JC]

I was actually invited (via some backroom internetting by guys who know guys) to the premiere. I was unprepared for it though. I had to meet some shady character to get a secret nut (a nut!) which was the ticket to get in. Then we were led down some path over what looked like an underground river in the Bronx. It was...crazy to say the least. I didn't see what was happening in the front right before the movie started, but dudes in masks had knives. That's all i know about that. Anyway, i usually don't comment on blogs or articles or whatever, but this was on a level that needs reaction (?) from people that were there.

[Alibastard]

I first heard about Baron Ambrosia/Justin Fornal (enigmatic writer/director of Canzo) through his strange, secret variety of alter egos all over cyberspace. Wrote two articles for The Plugg here:

http://www.theplugg.com/2007/03/19/in-pursuit-of-the-baron-ambrosia-part-1/

http://www.theplugg.com/2007/05/13/bronx-canzo-the-continued-quest-for-baron-ambrosia-part-2/

I was at the Canzo Premiere. Completely wild. The thing took place in an underground lair beneath the Bronx (seriously). People had to hike through waist-deep water, were greeted by a rowdy watchdog and some big Puerto Ricans with knives. But once we settled into the makeshift theatre, Citrus Blue (a ghetto-fab faux-futuristic intoxicant) abounded, and I have to say, even with all the expectations I had, the film is quite a tour de force - a feverish epic.

I have a little more info on the dude if people need it - though he's totally strange and secretive.

Still, I think his film is the DIY Midnight Movie everyone's been secretly waiting for.

[Pellegreno]

I was one of the lucky ones…if you can call it that.

I received the invite to the Canzo premiere from a distant acquaintance of mine. I wasn’t planning on attending until I saw the Monrovia trailer and realized this was something very different. I replied and received the password – the location in the Bronx - the recommendation to wear waterproof shoes – and no cell phones. That should have been the tip off.

On the day I arrived at the outside meeting spot to find a group of about 8 other people. After speaking with them I realized that they did not know any more about the event than I. Then our “guide” arrived. She was an attractive red haired, pale skinned woman who didn’t seem all that happy to see us. She asked us for our passwords and I noticed that everyone had a different one. She had us sign a release form that basically stated that if we died it was our own problem. She then gave us each a headlamp and directed us into a passageway that led underground into a pitch-black tunnel system. Here is where you probably think I am making this shit up, but it is exactly how it happened. We traveled thru this tunnel system for what felt like 2 hours, but I didn’t have my cell so I don’t know for sure. As I was reaching the point of not feeling like I could go any further I saw a giant blue glow in the distance and was told that we were here.

As we approached, I got a clear look at the blue glow. It was a giant carnival face lit with tiny blue lights with a wide open mouth for us to walk thru. We entered into the theater. It was a large hall with cement walls lit only with candles. This is where it got very surreal. There were, by my count about 50 people with black masks staring at us not saying a word. I at this point I didn’t know if I was pissing my pants out of excitement or horror.

We were led to a bar where we were served a blue liquid in a white China teacup. I asked the guy serving it what it was but he just looked at me and grinned. I dumped mine out when no one was looking for fear that it was laced with acid something. At that point I felt couldn’t risk it. We were then led to our seats.

The candles were all blown out and we were sitting in total darkness. A red spotlight clicked on to illuminate an enormous skinhead woman in what looked to be an octopus costume. She sang the most beautiful operatic version a Nina Simone song. At the completion of the song a roar of coyote-like-howling from the masked group. Then the red light went out and the film began.

I feel I would be doing a great injustice if I were to try and describe even the minute detail of the film so I will simply say it was truly unbelievable.

At the conclusion of the film we were led out over a makeshift bridge and up into the basement of an abandoned building. Our guide directed us out a large metal door which she quickly shut and locked behind us. There were two cars waiting for us. We were all speechless on the ride back to our cars.

[James]

At first, I thought this was all bullshit. Just the usual made up garbage people post in the comments. But then, I started looking around, reading about Canzo, watching what few clips I could find, and I gotta say...

I want to see it. Badly.

I honestly believe what has been said about the premieres (there were actually two premieres... the second one was in Liberia. It's practically become a religion over there. Gangs of armed men, running around in homemade Destro masks, terrorizing towns and villages).

I would give my left nut to see this movie. Well, maybe not my left one... but probably my right nut.

[christian]

Ok, PLEASE, this is nuts, can someone please explain WTF is going on with this film?

Premiere in Liberia, underground tunnels, futuristic sci-fi epic based on GI Joe? And who is this Fornal guy, all I can find from google is that he has a food-related show on Bronx cable access TV...

Is it all a hoax or what?

[Brit]

I just watched one trailer so far but....
That's what I'm saying. Destro is curing AIDS!!!What the fuck is all this crazy shit!? I think I just came. Doesn't Vice have any freelancers who could get to the bottom of this shit? Where are they?? What could they be possibly covering??!! I need some answers on this one guys!

[GLeSueur]

Visit my Canzo site
http://www.myspace.com/canzoempyrean

I too have been dredging the murk for more info......chatted a bit with Fornal via email...considering opening up a Baron site as well.

Can I ask why everyone is going mental over this? To me it just looks cheap, stagey and wooden. There are definitely some interesting ideas, but a lot of it looks beyond amateurish. I admit I know nothing about film from an artistic viewpoint, but this doesn't excite or shock me at all. Also (and I realise it's not meant to be any kind of straight re-telling of the GI Joe story) wasn't Destro a massive, muscular bloke? Not a slightly chubby weed in lycra? I'm genuinely interested to hear why other people are so excited.

[Big Tower]

You don't know anything about guerilla film. This is pure underground. This is obviously not meant to be some polished Hollywood bullshit. Either you get Canzo or you don't. I was at the premiere and believe me they would have smelled your sweet ass as soon as you walked in and passed you around. You would STILL be in the Mastabah servicing cats. This is a movement. Maybe if you saw the entire film you would get it (probably not)

You're right, I don't know anything about guerilla film - which is sort of what I said in my original comment, "Big Tower". It's good to see that you're willing to engage someone in rational debate, rather than infer they should be raped for not sharing your view on "pure underground" film... oh, hang on. Fuckstain.

[B.A. Platypus]

http://www.theplugg.com/2008/09/18/hearts-and-darkness-the-justin-fornal-guerilla-subterranean-interview/

NEW INTERVIEW! just found it tonight
Canzo!

[Mr Invisible]

How would I go about seeing this film in London?
Seen all the trailers and stuff, looks fuckin amazing, but from what I've heard theres not much news on any kind of showing in the UK. Anyone got any clues to this mystery?

[oh tits]

Why doesn't Vice do a full story on this? They are supposed to be providing us with the info. They paying people to give us the scoop! Do your job Vice. I have also searched around all the different blogs and have never seen anything like this. We want some answers damnit!

[Nick Small]

This film renews the artistic tradition of using allusion as a backdrop to action (and, in this case, very intense action).

CANZO reveals the depth of Justin Fornal's imagination and his eagerness to push the envelope of visual interpretation. This movie must be circulated! It will elicit an extreme reaction, whether you love it or not. Now that's the mark of good art.

[McClintock]

I saw it - it's amazingly twisted and demented. Justin Fornal makes Tarantino look like Walt Disney. I'm still disturbed by certain scenes.

[Factory]

When I first stumbled across this film my first thought was 'WOW, I NEED TO SEE THIS FILM'. It was a strange feeling like the sense you've discovered something you're not supposed to know about, something dangerous. I thought I'd have it within a few days like any other. Now I can't stop watching these trailers and searching for this film! The creativity, the originality, the mystery surrounding this film.

The only thing I want more than to see this film is the FULL experience. I want to give a password, walk through waist high water, I WANT TO DRINK CITRUS BLUE.

Fornal, if you ever want to show this film in Scotland I'll handbuild a suitable venue myself.