LONDON - FIRST ENCOUNTERS

Learning about your area is a magical time in a young person's life and also often an extremely weird and unsettling one. For the tiny fraction of "first-time" stories we've heard that don't involve members of the same sex or older sister's bras or repurposed turkey sandwiches, it's almost amazing to think that the world isn't peopled exclusively by gay, psychologically-crippled scat fetishists. Then again, maybe it is and everybody's just much better than us at cleaning up after themselves before having company over. In any case, we went out and asked a bunch of folks to tell us about their passage into the "age of discovery." Here are their tender mem'ries.

Vice: So, tell us about your passage into the "age of discovery."
Olivia: When I was in sixth or seventh grade I had this best friend who was a real horse girl. She was always doing all this horse-type stuff, riding every single day. One day I was at her house, in her room—full of horse posters—and we happened into the subject of "rubbing." Somehow she seemed to have superior insight into this unknown territory, and she—my best friend—was happy to pass her wisdom on to me. Needless to say, up to that point I hadn’t even thought of rubbing or even riding for that matter; I was a tomboy playing computer games, and a growing penis would probably have ignited my sexuality earlier… But my friend took care of all that for me. She positioned me on her bed, me facing her, with one leg on the floor and one leg on the bed. Then she started rubbing back and forth on the edge of the bed and told me to follow her lead. For some time we just sat there rubbing and talking about random stuff pretending we weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary. All of a sudden she whispered "Can you feel it?" really intensely. The act of "rubbing" while in full eye contact with my friend wasn’t really appealing to me so I just answered yes to avoid further conversation.  But when I went home that night and lay under the duvet in the dark I tried it again, and soon enough I rode naked on a black stallion, along a sandy beach, water glittering in the moonlight, and I envied all the horse girls in the world.


Ronny: We used to hang out with our friend Marius who was two years older than us and had these incredible thigh muscles. His lower extremities were like those of a professional, grown up body builder. Marius knew all about fly kicks, masturbating, making bombs, and other cool stuff. He was probably the most charismatic crazy person any of us will ever know. Of course looking back he probably had worse ADD than a spider monkey, but back then we'd never heard of that. One day we met outside his house and he just pointed at a small nearby mountain and commanded that we should all climb to the top and he would teach us how to masturbate (Marius called it "getting the feeling"). It was an 800 feet steep climb and it took us about an hour to get to the top. We lay down in a half circle, watched the incredible view from the top and beat off like crazy. It hurt. Marius had a weird look on his face and his thighs were contracting like huge larvae from outer space. When we all had "gotten the feeling" we watched the sunset, ate chicken and drank champagne-flavored synthetic juice. It was not gay. We had never heard of the gay thing. Marius was proud and we felt like we were in a gang.


Florence: It was with a boy at a party in the back garden bushes.

And what happened? Was it full-on sex or just a finger-bang?
I pretty much got fisted because at that age you don’t really get how to seduce a lady. You just go for however many fingers can you fit in her fanny.

So how was it?
Shit awful. Put me off for life.




Kristin: When I was very little my best friend was a crazy girl. Her parents had a farm that raised and trained police horses. They also had like 10 dogs, and when we were taking care of the dogs in the doghouse she would make the dogs lick her. I didn’t understand exactly why but I could see she was feeling good when they did it and it made me feel horny in a way too. I never let the dogs lick me, but I ran back home and got off on my own.










Dieter: I was around 11 years old. I had handcrafted a kind of homemade porno mag consisting of underwear ads from old magazines that belonged my mum. We did a lot of nasty stuff together, me and that mag.













Linnea: When I was in primary school, me and my friends were on a climbing pole playing a game where the winner was the one who lasted the longest on the pole without sliding down. Suddenly I felt a prickle and noticed that it got more intense the more I moved up and down the pole. So I did that for a while and had my first orgasm.

Comments

[abba]

i think i cut a hole in a teddy bears crotch to use as a vagina.

[me]

this is brilliant. Vice at its 100% absolute best. We need more of this and less ten page articles that NO ONE reads.

[A Fag]

I feel like I forgot my first encounter on purpose and therefore will not sit here and ponder what it is. A++ though.

[home made porno]

ha ha amazing, i can totally relate to the home made porno thing

[Where's the tower, where's the gun.]

Vice at it's 100% best? Brilliant?
Random people talking about their first wank?
Yeh, maybe this is as good as Vice gets.
Aim high eh.
Fucking retards.

[grow up]

dont bother reading it then. fucking hell, comments on every page about how shit vice is. your still here reading it though. Why dont you read something a bit more sagacious, as your obviously SO above this childish masturabation chit-chat? No, youre pointlessly surfing a website, remarking on the decline of a magazine. wahey aim higher you fucker.

[agreed]

what he/she said. the makeshift porno, classic.

[agreed]

what he/she said. the makeshift porno, classic.

[paddym]

This is the kind of stuff that made Vice great. More, please...

[what?]

no one wants to think about Brits getting off.

[Lauren]

'Where's the tower, where's the gun'...i agree. well put.

[Tomas]

Climbing pole is classics and it works with dicks too :P