NEW YORK - INACTION FIGURES

OK, new rule: “Special” kids are allowed have “special” toys, but only as long as we’re allowed to laugh our collective ass off at them. Exhibit A: these play-therapy dolls that come complete with fake legs and braces. We know it’s all about making people feel better about their conditions, but Christ—does anyone who actually has to go through physical therapy want to reenact the whole procedure at home with mini trampolines and parallel bars? It's not like regular kids come home from school and pretend their regular-looking dolls are coming home from school to pretend their regular-looking dolls are coming home from school. They make them do the things they're not capable of themselves, kiss and drive into each other with cars--that's the whole point of fucking toys.

Of course, if you're really afraid your kids think their toys are better than them, you can go for broke and get them dolls with shunts behind their ears, a “chemo friend” or two, a Down's doll, a more Asian-y looking Down's doll, and Dolly Downs, the O(D)G. What we want to know is when they’re going to come out with the Mack truck accessory for this guy.

PS: We will give a free subscription to the first person who sends us a picture of a non-afflicted child playing with any of these toys. It can't be a press photo--you have to have taken it yourself, but we'll throw in a couple of CDs or something if you can get one where the doll is also a different gender and race.

PPS: How many friendly new people do you think Tatjana's going to meet out roller-blading in Eastern Europe? Did you hear about the gay rights rally in Moscow a couple of weeks ago where the skinheads and church AND police all teamed up to fag-bash the protestors? Not too big into "difference" over there.

Comments

[J]

Some young children have dolls and treat them like friends - they put them to bed and talk to them, so I can understand how a disabled child might like a toy she can relate to. its all dependant on why the child has the toy. Sure, these toys are extremely niche and novel but I dont really get how providing variety is that hilerious.

Vice magazine started out as a alternative product for a niche market, remember? y'know, in the 90s? before you sold out to Sony and American Apparel.

[Austin]

Wow, what the hell is wrong with you. Average kids have the chance to play with toys that look and move like them. Disabled kids don't. These dolls give kids the chance to play in a way that validates their appearance and experiences as a disabled child. There's nothing ridiculous about that.

[afed]

um why are they all white?? they could accomodate kids with no hair who wear different types of hats, but couldnt figure out how to make one non white doll?

[robbie slade]

my favorite is the story book "danny up a tree" you find when you follow the Dolly Downs link

[ro625ck]

m260k

[diego]

hey austin, last time i checked, i didnt look like or move like a ninja turtle, hot wheels car, or a centurion. i'm sorry my parents didnt suck and get me "average" looking toys when i was a kid

[Amelia]

I just think ALL dolls are good for therapy. If a child feels better with "disabled" dolls, then what's wrong with that? They can still play with their baby dolls and baby doll furniture however they want. I guess I'm pretty okay with the idea. Whatever makes children happy.