Golbe wouldn't fuck the phone and he wouldn't let us show you our iChat conversations about it. Also, he lost his temper. Und so: We win.
But that doesn't mean the fun has to be over, right? We just need a new Golbe to pass on the fedora is all. Apply by sending an email to editorial@viceland.com--please include a photo and try to keep it under 100 words to make our job a little easier.
We pledge two things to you, the reader:
1) We'll only take ideas from the comments page.
2) The column will be open to all of our unpaid and unbroken staff members.
Thanks for reading.
Also, we're going to each take turns fucking the phone when it gets
back. It's a matter of honor.
third!
Posted by: rick s | 10/03/2007 at 00:23
You should make another gross jar. And have the next intern fuck that.
Posted by: Dorian | 10/03/2007 at 00:48
you should have your new intern fuck the last intern.
Posted by: | 10/03/2007 at 01:36
Even better!
Posted by: Dorian | 10/03/2007 at 05:01
great idea. i'm backing the interns-fucking-interns idea.
Posted by: j | 10/03/2007 at 09:32
I think you should let that sweet guy off the hook. He doesn't have to show you his bathing suit area if he doesn't want to. Why break him when you can be nice to him and have him write stuff in the magazine, eh?
Why you got to be bullying on that sweet, talented and nicely dressed young man?
Posted by: Nicholas Gayzor (is my Star Wars handle) | 10/03/2007 at 09:33
ive always wondered how much a bum makes in a day pan handling
can you make the next intern be a bum for a day?
Posted by: tehhh | 10/03/2007 at 17:48
the new intern fucks a bum. snap
Posted by: | 11/03/2007 at 01:16
a. find some writers who can write. properly.
b. stop being such hipster faggots.
c. get a proper life.
Posted by: patrick | 11/03/2007 at 01:46
Make the intern come out of the closet to his parents and closest friends, laugh at the immediate alienation.
Posted by: Ransom | 11/03/2007 at 01:47
nigga dresses like the nerds out of happy days
Posted by: avantgardening | 11/03/2007 at 01:59
1
Make the new intern let you kill him.
2
Make the new intern draw a bad auto bio comic about being a gay punk and make him/her aggressivrely try to pitch it to publishers.
3
Make the new intern watch the entire Police Academy movie saga in one sitting with a catheter.
4
Make a new gross jar, have intern power chug it.
5
Dare him to punch out Danzig.
6
Find out who the intern hates and then force them to research and interview those people.
7
Force them to be Jon Golbe's butler for a day. And they have to speak in a British accent.
Posted by: Nicholas Gayzor (is my Star Wars handle) | 11/03/2007 at 09:15
I'd say a tattoo is in order...
Some technotron lyrics, a Lil Romeo portrait or "Get a Life" on the neck.
Viva the revolution motherfuckers.
Posted by: Alex Mitchell | 12/03/2007 at 00:59
Wow. You ladies are HILARIOUS.
Oh, wait….weren’t you guys at Vice interns once upon a time? You were, weren’t you? So this GOLBE shit is really just your inner high school senior cuming over the idea that you can be cooler/older/better than any freshman/intern, isn’t it? Regardless of Golbe’s intelligence or ability (his writing wasn’t that good but I bet he is a better catch than the girls you let intern just so the guys in your office can practice their shitty fingering skills) you’re just out of ideas and feeling less cool than usual and so it’s easy to fuck with someone to distract readers. Here’s a REALLY crazy idea…let Golbe and the other interns vote on which staff is the biggest asshole and then let them throw previous issues in their face until they can’t lift their arms. Or, let that staff be THEIR intern for a day. Guaranteed that would NEVER happen.
Or, WOAH…why don’t spend less time being like the jock cheesdicks in my high school and more time being the vaguely interesting journalists readers expect you to be.
ZING!
Posted by: intern girl power | 12/03/2007 at 03:53
that's got to be one of the most confusing zings I've ever heard. You're mistreating a bad writer and you hire ugly girls, so you should let said bad writer attack you or make him the boss.... but of course, you'd NEVER do that.
Of course they wouldn't. That's like saying you're too much of a pussy to cut off your dick and give your car to a hobo.
Posted by: bambam | 13/03/2007 at 03:41
You should take a vice staff poll of the worst tattoo idea they can think of and make the intern get it....Hell I'd do that. Better idea, make me your intern. I have no standards.
Posted by: $$$ | 13/03/2007 at 05:18
i miss golbe. he did shit that even i wouldn't. what ever happened to that poor kid?
Posted by: intern dan | 28/04/2007 at 22:20
How does GOLBE write what he did at the internship on his Resume/CV? Or, even talk about it at interview?
"..so I fucked a phone. It was fun."
BTW Alex Mitchell is the shit.
Posted by: Alex the Kid | 28/12/2007 at 13:55