Nipple Quibble

Recently after performing on a stage, attempting 'comedy', I asked a couple of male buddies in the class for some feedback. Feedback was thus: "Can't tell you much dude. Didn't hear a word you said as I was staring at your erect nipples the whole time."

Now whilst I didn't appreciate the objectification (well maybe a little bit), I did appreciate the frank discussion that followed. Ladies, this just in: apparently men are concerned when nipples aren't in their erect state ...

Boy 1: It really puts me off when ladies' nipples go flaccid.
Boy 2: Yeah man. I worried I'm not doing my job when even the nipples lose interest.
Girl 1: Boys, boys, boys. You needn't worry. Nipple erectness is not an adequate indicator of sexual pleasure. It could merely mean it's a warm room.
Universe: I am going to implode right now as you have just blown wide open everything I thought I knew about, well, me.

First of all, and not to sound too Seinfeldian, but what's the deal with men and nipples? Correct me if I'm wrong ladies, but unless you have weirdy ones, we don't really focus on that area of our bodies. There's no maintenance involved with them, you can't do much with them (milking and sustaining another human being's life aside), and here's the shocker of all shockers guys: they aren't in fact that sensitive. Yes it is true they can detect subtle changes in temperature (and for some women, seismic changes in the earth's mantle core) however, I'll say it again: nipples aren't that sensitive. Insult 'em. Call 'em names (insert nipple joke here). They don't care.

What's more, most women could care less about what you're doing with them. It's what's goin' on down south that counts. You are unlikely to ever hear the following conversation between women:

Girl 1: So how was last night with Mr. X?
Girl 2: Well he had a terribly small penis and the sex was disastrous but that's okay because his attention to my nipples was outstanding!
Girl 1: Lucky you!
Girl 2: Indeed.

A lot of women (myself included) also find too much nip action annoying, and sometimes rather unsettling. Looking down seeing a grown man suckling at your teat is waaaaaaay too maternal and barnyard-like an image when you're gettin' it on. And no woman wants to feel like a heffer when she's gettin' it on.

I'm a little concerned with the predilection men have for the nip these days. When once cunnilingus used to be the badge of pride amongst men, now it seems it's the poor cousin to her two ugly stepsisters. And I'm not talking high school grope action. I'm talking suckling of teat. Step away from the nips right now.

KAREN FANTANA

Comments

whatever lady, sucking nipples is amazing. i would do it forever if a genie let me.

[the milky bar kid]

If you suck hard enough, milk comes out.

[gingangooley]

I once was with this chick who almost had an orgasm if I even breathed on her tits. So there.

[Johnson B]

Nipples are sensitive. It's science.

[hmph]

I can say that my nipples are quite sensitive, and when sucked during sex i achieve orgasm very quickly from it.

[mr. me too]

To is a preposition that introduces the destination or receiver of an action.

Too is an adverb with primary meanings of “also” or “excessively.”

I'm a goddamn electrical engineer I shouldn't be the one correcting a writer's grammar.

[teetunkommon]

those are the prettiest nipples i ever seen

[Ken Barlow]

i like be old 50p style ones...yum!

[raygunjones]

Upgrade your libido. My woman doesn't cum until I tease the titty ball. And this is no groundbreaking news that men are solely fixated on nipples. What do you think men built civilizations for? To impress women. Why impress women? To connect with the first thing that ever shoved into our face.

[DDH]

Like Johnson B said, "it's science" you can't argue science. Plus life is a little bit better when you have boobs in you face.

[Jesse jackson]

Whenever I see erect nipples all I can think of is taking them off with a boxcutter.

Believe it oooooorrrr not. (in your best Jack Palance).

[Coop]

hey mr. me too...how gay are you? we're talking nips n boobie science here and you're focusing on criticising the already-correct grammar? that of which you're pretty piss poor at, too? she had me at the wet t-shirt photo.

[Dr. Pig]

My girl can't stand it if I don't give some attention to her favorite tit. You're way off (and she 'finishes' every time).

[monsters of kawk]

I got a good one,

Q: what's a sure-fire way to guarantee that a woman has an orgasm?

A: who cares

[upset with myself]

Have to say that the mantle is a layer of the earth, coming after the crust, and the core is molten. I am now going to give myself a swirlie (sp?.

[Milford B.]

Phhhhhh..... Dumb chick. Nipples kick ass, unless they are long and dangly.

Other than that I have no idea why this miss is so damn hostile towards them. Maybe she lost hers in a fire or something.

[Chucky]

I lika da photo.

[J]

What the hell is this chick talking about? Is she trying to be funny? Ok so maybe your nips aren't sensitive... sucks for you. Nips are like the cairn at the top of mountain. Nips draw the eye to the wonderful mounds of flapping flesh. That area is so uneventful and hair covered on a man that to see a woman's is to see the yang to our yin. My personal favorites are the ones that volcano out from some itty-bittys like massive insect bites. I've lightly brushed my fingers over a set of those before and her reaction was an instant shortness of breath then a deep moan.

Speak for yourself lady.

[jai jai]

I once knew this guy who instead of eyes he had two tiny nipples that were actually strange little penises called sandy and pumpkin

[Nipsy Russell]

"Heffer"?

[mustache]

yeah, a heiffer is a male bovine

[Yes Sir, Indeed.]

Who the fuck is this girl? Jesus hell, even my deaf landlord comes up when i put his name into google. I plug this girl's name in (to see if she has a face at all and isnt just a cropped out american aparrel advertisement) and what do i get for my trouble?

Jack and shit.

Actually, its kind of amazing. How did she come up with the only pen name that isnt listed in some way as having even a single accomplishment on Google?

Shit. Bravo, Girlie Mc'Fakename, bravo.

[B]

News flash: men like boobs. Follow up: nipples are the most fun part of boobs.

[evur]

Unlike the rest of you, I agree with the writer. Although it IS a (visual) turn-on having a mouth on your tit, it's barely sensitive...especially when compared to, say, the glorious clitoris. More clit action!

[evur]

one more thing...why do guys seem to think they know more about women's nipples than we do? stupid fucks.