Our gross jar has done extremely well since we last paid it a visit. The high average temperature over the last few months has resulted in our selection of stinking meat festering and decomposing into a nice homogeneous slime.
We knew we didn't want any more dead animals or lumps of flesh, but instead needed something that could soak up some of the liquid, and was still absolutely gross. It didn't take us long to come up with a solution: white man's dreadlocks.
Obviously we'd never associate with a white guy with dreadlocks, so we knew it would be very hard to get hold of some without cutting them off a dead tramp. Luckily our events guy Jack rather bravely admitted to us that he was once one of those white guys with dreadlocks and still had the disgusting things in a bag under his bed. We got him to bring them into work this morning and then headed across to the roof of our pub, the Old Blue Last (where the jar lives), maintaining a safe distance from the dreads at all times. The jar must've spotted the dreads as we approached because we found the poor thing cowering in fear in the corner of the roof. Unmoved, we mercilessly grabbed hold of it and yanked its lid off. As we did this, the jar emitted a stench so foul that our noses died for a few seconds.
We somehow managed to stuff the dreadlocks in without puking and then grabbed a stick and had a good poke around to squidge them into the meaty slime. We couldn't bare to have the lid off for too long because of the overpowering smell, so quickly had to slam it back on, leaving the dreads to die a slow, stinky death.
fleeting? flowers? no, that's not it. first.
Posted by: Popo | 03/11/2006 at 19:44
That actually makes me want to barf just looking at it.
Posted by: Prometheus | 03/11/2006 at 21:54
I've seen that guy round Shoreditch and he has a skinhead, I reckon thats a wig
Posted by: | 04/11/2006 at 00:23
"ONCE one of those white guys with dreadlocks"
you fucking idiot, hes clearly shaved his head. You were so desperate to portray yourself as a charming man about town and mention "shoreditch", you forgot to actuall READ the thing?
Posted by: | 04/11/2006 at 10:09
I LOVE DOMINOS!
Posted by: dclooch | 05/11/2006 at 04:27
jack's hot, even, almost, with the dreadlocks.
Posted by: | 05/11/2006 at 20:17
eurgh!
hot??? you kidding?
hang about jack is that you and your enormous ego at work again?
Posted by: | 06/11/2006 at 14:31
make someone taste it.. and and tape it.
Posted by: | 06/11/2006 at 14:48
there must be someone that would taste it surely!
Posted by: | 06/11/2006 at 17:41
anyone?
Posted by: | 07/11/2006 at 10:36
I'll taste it!
Posted by: Sam | 07/11/2006 at 23:36
whats your email sam?
Posted by: vice uk | 08/11/2006 at 11:29
lies lies its all lies
Posted by: vice uk | 08/11/2006 at 11:29
I work near the old blue last, if someones reading this and has the power to make it happen, can I come and smell the jar? Do you think the crap in there could melt through the outer layer of a mini babybel? If you ever decide you have had enough of owning it, can you throw it at Suggs?
thanks
Posted by: malachai | 18/11/2006 at 02:35
I don't want to sound imature but i reckon that someone should shit in it as most people hate shit and don't like the thought of it
Posted by: kris | 22/05/2007 at 15:16
well atleast shit in it again just to give it an edge
Posted by: kris | 22/05/2007 at 15:18
this was one of the funniest things vice ever did, it still makes me laugh today. i wish they still added to it.
Posted by: | 26/09/2008 at 03:16