It’s been a while since we visited our little friend. In fact, we’ve left him up there on the roof of the Old Blue Last (now fully re-opened) all summer.
We were a little reticent about visiting him after so long and quite scared at the sight / smells that would greet us when we got to him.
On first inspection we were a little disappointed with what had happened during our absence. It seems like somebody has been tampering with Gross Jar because the lid was loose and some of the noxious gases within had escaped.
On closer inspection we found that the mixture of piss, pig, pigeon, apple juice, tongue of ox and tripe had reduced down to a fleshy / orangey tiramisu of putrefaction. Just imagine plunging your spoon into and gulping down a large mouthful of that good stuff. Mmmmmm. Keen to add some texture to this largely formless mass, we got our intern Tom Russell to trim some of his ginger pubic hair into the top of the jar and then he jabbed at a blister on the back of his heel with a rusty badge. The ensuing pus was duly squeezed on top of the pubes so as to ingratiate them better with the warm, wet mass below. Tom dry-heaved a couple of times but there was no puke. We obviously need to step up our game a little bit here. Suggestions to john@viceuk.com please.
I think you guys ought to find a willing (and presumably batshit crazy) girl with a yeast infection, and get her to share some of the wealth. It would have to be a pretty bad infection for it to be anything substantial enough to put in the jar.
oh yeah-first bitches
Posted by: Karly Haller | 27/09/2006 at 20:06
I believe you guys already crossed the vaginal secretion line with the tampon, no? Maybe that was the U.S. Gross Jar. Anyway, I think the only thing left that would shock me (or any of your other readers, for that matter)is actual human tissue, preferably an aborted fetus. I think "Gross Jar" falls squarely under the educational-purpose umbrella, so you should be fine. Tell me how that goes.
Posted by: Claytron 1985 | 27/09/2006 at 23:34
Hello, we are from saskatoon, saskatchewan and we think that the hot salty tears from a rape victim would add to the gross jar. And yes the yeast infection tops the tampon, come on I use my tampons as a key chain
Posted by: nicole and carly | 28/09/2006 at 04:41
tom your a crazy man, last time i did that i got a massive infection in my foot, especially over such toxic matter...
maybe try going to an all you can eat curry, taking 3x as much lacative as recomended and get a few blasts of that into the jar?
im sure tom would't mind doing that..ha ha
Posted by: james | 28/09/2006 at 10:28
Dog shit and a rotting dead mouse. I can lay my hands on both of these! Trust me this will take it to a whole new dimension
Posted by: Devereaux | 28/09/2006 at 10:51
your gross
Posted by: | 28/09/2006 at 14:41
You guys are trying too hard. If it is odor you want, just throw some cabbage & radishes in there kim chi style. Then it will not only be gross, but cultured as well. Otherwise I would just smash an interns finger in the door & drop the finger nail in there when it falls off.
Posted by: Shawn | 28/09/2006 at 15:46
how gross is your intern?
Posted by: | 28/09/2006 at 16:17
stick a jew in there
Posted by: ass | 28/09/2006 at 18:34
vegamite
Posted by: Karly Haller | 28/09/2006 at 19:18
Very helpful post. This will help me. Tnx. http://myyeastinfectioncures.info
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