Now that Summer is finally here, the only two thing people are talking about are how fucking hot it is and the World Cup. The side effect is that every single bar is full of sweaty football fans getting pissed. After the England vs. Sweden game last week, we were leaving the office when we saw two English fans standing outside on the street. On closer inspection we saw that one of them was actually taking a poop on the pavement while his buddy kept lookout.
We let them get on with their business but the next morning the turd was still there. Not wanting to risk someone slipping on the little fucker, we picked him up (using the insideout plastic bag method) and brought him back to the office to put in our Gross Jar. As great as this find was, we knew we needed extra ingredients if we were to really increase the gross factor.
Ingredient number two is a direct result of the heatwave currently hitting the continent. This means everything is getting very hot very quickly, including cheese. Our mouldy Gouda cheese was fresh just last week but in no time at all she developed a hairy green topping which smelt like that frischkäse you get on unwashed dicks. On arrival, the turd quickly disappeared into the festering takeaway and hasn’t been seen since. The cheese was a little more resilient and stuck around for about 5 minutes before being broken in two and ingested by the slime. Right after closing the stinky jar, a huge fucking mutant bee got stuck in our publisher's window. We carefully trapped her in a glass and dropped her in the jar. The little fucker was still moving when we closed the lid. The only thing visible now is a kind of cheese-mould iceberg that’s desperately trying to keep its head above water. Give up you piece of shit, no one gets out alive.