NEW YORK - GROOMING SCAMS

We've been saying for years what an absolute crock men's beauty products are. The whole market is the result of a collaborative push by manufacturers and the Gays of the Fashion Industry to inflate male vanity to female levels of preening and spending. Yet in spite of our best efforts to blow the lid off this scam, straight guys are still getting up an hour early each morning to exfoliate their shaven forearms and slather tube after tube of Loreal permasheen into their chemically-fried scalps.

Unless you're a latter-day rockabilly propping up a half-foot pompadour (in which case your vanity issues are already pretty much incurable), there's no reason to put anything other than shampoo in your hair, no matter what the blackshirts at the salon you shouldn't even be going to say. No, not even "just a dollop." The same is true for crap that goes on your skin; and the same is definitely true for anything that smells like something. Ideally, the grooming contents of a guy's bathroom should be limited to shampoo, soap, toothbrush and -paste, deoderant (the one smell exception), and a razor.

If you're wondering why neither shaving cream nor aftershave made the cut, read this article from lewrockwell.com for a wake-up call. It is 100 percent right on. We stopped using shaving cream about a year ago, and within a week all the shitty skin problems that had plagued us since high school just up and vanished. A little while later we tried to start shaving without water too, but that's taking it too far.

Comments

[Mike]

What about Gold Bond? That works wonders in the summer heat.

[abobo]

I use engine oil and a bowie knife..

[drew]

When my dad taught me how to shave he laid out a razor and a bar of soap. I said, "What about the shaving cream?"

his reply: "that stuff is bullshit"

it turns out he was right

[Donal Gorman]

My weapon of choice is an electric one, it does the job quick in the morning. The only thing with it is that its got this inbuilt carterage yoke wiith alcohol and vit e apparently.
I cant help being paranoid thatthey add some sort of chemical to make my hair grow back faster and make my skin greasy so I buy face wash.

[rlj]

I agree. Infact I'd say that every man around 20ish should spend some time with somebody in their 60-70s and soak all this info up.

[Dr.E]

Soap or somjething like it that lubricates is the best. I love using that crazy "blaireau". DAMM MY LACK OF ENGLISH WORDS!

[daniel]

sooooooooooo badass vice

[g]

I tried this today. Shaving works fine with just hot water. Sell your Gillete stocks.

[rylen]

Honestly who cares,

Dont give a damn; grow a beard + dont wash

Like to primp; spend $200/month + smell like a chick.

To each his own, makes this world all the more interesting.

cheers

[GB]

i discovered all this when i was shit broke and flatting. you also dont need to change the blades fuck all. its when THEY start cutting you that you know they need changing

[Adam Banks]

a good friend of mine's dad worked for gillette.

if you don't use shaving cream and rinse the blade off thoroughly after use, it won't wear out for a solid year. soap is the culprit for blade corrosion.

[hank]

i just grab onto chunks of stubble and pull them out with my bare hands razors are for pussies and gays.

[drew]

but what can they say about the fact that if you leave shaving cream on your face too long, it starts to burn...it'll even fuck up a cars paintjob. For what the stuff is supposed to be doing it sure has a strange way of showing it

[ooga]

i am 100% gangster.
however, i am also a dwarf.
people on the bus look at me strangely,
but i just remind them that 'fuck all y'all, you don't know me'...
which pretty much does the trick.

[-]

well, i love gillette and i have a green one like that too:) oh...and i won't stop using it.

[Jon]

Yeah, floss. Floss, too, right? OMG I HAVE FLOSS!

[Sonny]

Lew Rockwell? I knew you guys were libs. I kicked it with Lew in Alabama once, he looks just like that former surgeon general guy C. Everett Koop. Free markets for life.

[jim]

the Lew Rockwell article is fucking retarded. however wrote it was either an eight year old, retarded, or very high. i read the whole thing and nowhere does the writer actually explain why shaving cream is bad for the skin; beyond stating it "does something evil." great. thanks for the heads up. assholes.

[phil]

ive been using old ass disposable bic razors and tepid water for 7 years now, and my face has always maintained a cherubic, creamy quality completly devoid of acne and other facial blights. granted my face got left out of puberty ten years ago and even after a weeks growth i can only manage a pathetic fu manchu and preteen chin fuzz. fuck gilette, shaving cream is the biggest lie since evolution.

[jim]

phil, you are sadly sadly sadly misinformed and very stupid. i can grow a full beard and i know for a fact that shaving cream is needed. i've shaved with everything from lady fucking bics to a damn hunting knife for god's sake. you need something between a sharp blade and your dry skin or you will cause skin damage! if you put the bong down for a minute or two and think about it. this fact will make perfect sense. phil, you are so dumb you should be taken to a special island for other retards like you. maybe a farm in idaho somewhere, but definetely out of the general population. good luck to you and may god have mercy on your retarded little soul.

[ace]

jim~
get off the high horse. only a prima donna uses shaving cream. i just make that razor real hot by running it under hot water for a couple of minutes and bam you're done without goo hanging around your face. admit it: deep down, waaayy deep down inside your soul, this article destroyed all of your previously held prejudices and beliefs regarding manhood. You're now finally begining to rebel against all of feminist bullshit that has been force fed to you during your existence. but, typically, your first reaction is to defend those who put you in your sorry obliging pussy predicament: maybe some kunt girl friend or gay magazine writer fucked up your head but you can be saved.

[jim]

Ace-

Feminist bullshit? How about the macho bullshit that has brainwashed YOU into actually believing that pressing a scalding hot blade to your skin is not going to cause you any harm. Yeah buddy don't worry about those red marks on your face. Chicks dig facial scars. While you're at it you may as well press a hot iron to your cheek. Cause that's what a real man would do. Or a real jackass. Take your pick.

[ACE]

jim ~

scalding hot? no, just real hot. i'm not a deranged monkey running around in a mansuit like you. instead, i'm a human being who is smart enough to know when something is hot enough to be effective and not burn.

pussy

[jim]

Ace-

Oh yeah your real fucking brilliant. So brilliant you not only do not use a lubricating device to cut your facial hair with, but you're willing to defend your idiotic behavior. Does this philosophy also extent to when you are being anally penetrated by your fellow apes? Do you not use lubricant? Of course not jackass, you just run some warm saliva over your apes cock and he slides it right in. Awesome. You are a tribute to the human race. Really. Keep up the good work, gay ape fucker.

[Bohemian]

What are you guys arguing about? We have facial hair for a reason. Grow that beard out. Warm water vs. hot water, shaving cream vs. no shaving cream, you're completely neglecting the argument that we shouldn't even shave. It is our God-given right, no, duty to grow facial hair. Shaving yourself is feminizing yourself. So do you ready your Oprah book of the month club selecting before or after you put baby powder on your tooshy and brush your teeth? You ball-less wonders disgust me.